|In a car with my dad and little brother. Were on the way to Shah Alam |
and the sky was so gorgeous subhanallah..
1. The best thing in life is to cry.
2. I still remember those times during my first day in koleq (Malay College Kuala Kangsar) in 2003 when I cried under the running tap water so that people would not see me crying.
3. That was about half a decade ago.
4. And that, as far as I can remember, may be the last time when I cried- at least for reasons related to my love for the family.
5. After about 5 years, I finally cried alone in a room in a hotel in Ampang when there was nobody to listen to my cries except Allah.
6. I cried so hard that I think I never did before.
7. And I cried again in a hall during a talk in UiTM as the speaker put all of us under the mood of reflecting the sacrifice of our mothers- and our fathers too, for that matter.
8. It feels so good when the heart is soft again and able to make me cry.
9. I wonder how much hardened my heart has become for couple of years already- which gave me the worst yet the most valuable phase of my life.
10. I've always believed in the purpose that we have to serve in life.
11. And I somehow forgot that it is the family that deserves our number one attention and love.
12. I regret- a lot.
13. Alhamdulillah, after all that happened. I was not left with nothing.
14. Allah is so great that He also allows me to meet many great people along the way who despite having no biological relationship with me, have done great help alhamdulillah.
15. Thanks to Abg Raf and wife for being with me since day one the meteorite hit me, and all others especially to my foster parents, friends of my dad, and especially to my Sifus in many other fields like Brother Mas Yury (comparative religion) and all other friends, whose names are too many to mention here.
16. It is in the time of difficulties that we need the most helpful, encouraging, understanding and sincerest people around us, and it is during this time that we will find them all.
17. I remember a time when I was on my way back to Terengganu and met a beggar on the street before I reached the bus station at PWTC.
18. Upon request, we went to a food court and had a dinner and you won't believe me how fast he took to eat. I was paying for the food while he was seated and when I went there at the table, he already finished everything on the plate! And of course I didn't line up to pay. It was more or less only 60 seconds!
19. And he apologized. He haven't eaten rice for 3 days already.
20. It's never about me. Anyone can do exactly the same thing. And I always tell myself not to be fooled by anyone except beggars- if they are really fooling around- because despite many skepticism that we may have for these people, I always save my heart for a belief that there are those people who are really in need of help.
21. When we ate, he told me many things. He is an Indian, and he is homeless. He sleeps near the LRT station and this is the beauty of it.
22. He listened to the call for azan everyday and felt peace from it- by now, he claimed that he is a Muslim (and if I'm not mistaken he is already registered as one).
23. How beautiful is that don't you think?
24. While we may have everything on earth to forget Allah (na'uzubillah), Allah has given a privilege to a person who finds difficulties as a means to be reminded of Him- and in this case, found Islam.
25. This guy told me how he missed his wife and children, how he felt like committing suicide but didn't for fear of Allah, and how difficult it is to live with AIDS and waiting for death to come and invite him to the next life.
26. I hope I was careful enough for I think there's no harm helping people out even though they are suffering from HIV- with important precautions of course.
27. But my point here is simple- are we thankful enough?
"...If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe."
(Surah Ibrahim: 7)
28. I have few tough years ahead to fix back what I have ruined and destroyed.
29. I hope I can finish my studies the soonest by 2014- so that by then I can start give back to my family and people around me- as I am slowly doing it even from now, for there's no need to wait to do good things in life- because such a procrastination is an absolute sign of stupidity.
30. Next year may be a wonderful year as I hope it is a year when both my elder brother and sister will be getting married and it is me next for the call. My cousin just get married some few days ago. Congrates Abg Emi and Kak Ela! =D
31. It's never about marriage alone- it's about fulfilling a mission and serving others and I am completely not in the mood of thinking about it until the right time comes. Marriage is half the deen- that's about it.
32. The first part of recovery is relatively smooth enough. Now I already 'graduated' from KDU and will be in UiTM for the next few years insya Allah.
33. Maybe this is the place. A destiny Allah SWT wants me to live with. UiTM di hatiku ;-)
34. While people hold 4 degrees or masters, or PHDs at an early age, I have this possibly rare and unique opportunity to have 4 university/college student cards instead- not sure if it's something that I can really be proud of, but still, dare to challenge? =p
35. I'm 22 by now. I feel so old. Most people around me are 18. And that's 4 years younger. Or 1460 days. Or 35 040 hours. That's how much time these people have before they reach my age- something that I can't buy from any store on earth.
36. But life is beautiful. It really is. There's nothing else that matters now.
37. Except the family and my studies.
38. Marriage will come later. There are many other important things that I think I have to do as an adult. As for now, marriage is absolutely the last in the list (I mentioned this because young people in university somewhat see university as a place to find partner rather than a place to consume knowledge- and you are 18 my friends ;-))
39. But it is wonderful that occurrences in life also help me understand women better in so many ways.
40. Only those who can be a good life partner is one that is good to her parents, because that would make her a good person to me, and much much more importantly a good daughter (in-law), to my parents ;-)
-Last day in Kota Damansara
June 9th, 2012