The Disengagement

gee~ do not misunderstand please.. :P

Love is like water. It flows and streams everywhere without boundaries. Mine is one that is so special. It makes me who I was before-a kind-hearted, soft-spoken and quiet guy who has no one to feel angry to. Anyone is lovely, and I have no problem loving. Life is like exchanging the good feelings you have deep inside your heart, by smiling and helping plus talking to one another. However, the ticking time has altered my love to fragility. From water, it became a bubble. It grew extra large and consequently turned to a huge bubble. Then? Someone from inside poked it and that’s it-pop! (or rather kabOOm!!) it blasted into pieces of hatred and vengeance I’ve never known and never been introduced to my entire life. My life changed. Totally, after that. I was blank. I was left in uncertainty and absolute misery. I didn’t know what to do with everything around me started to plunge me more into the darkness. The darkness of soul. The emptiness of heart. I was confused, stressed-and lonely. And me? Was no longer a loving person I used to be.

I started to justify the whole nineteen years I spent in my life all this while. My efforts, my time, my sacrifice and my money, I thought I have just squandered them all-and led a completely fruitless embarrassing period of life-which lasted for almost two decades or may be more.

Now I know I must move on. Just that. I know many things await me to shape my own future. And of course I am totally on it! What is life without difficulties. Thinking of that, I compose the following piece;

Brain is a weakness,

We use it to forget problems,

But problems don't have brains,

So they never forget us,

Use brain to face problems,

Then brain is now a strength.

-Ibnu Hanaffi-

It’s not about what they are or how many of them. It’s about how we deal with them. And the way I deal, once beaten twice shy-big deal indeed! So much of whining and complaining and even blaming, what do I get in return? Nothing. An absolute nil and a sheer null. After all, it’s always best to have gratitude and thankfulness for He is the best Whom rewards and pours happiness upon His servants. I went to Raja Uda Library in Shah Alam and came across this proverb from Arab that says;

I complained because I had no shoes UNTIL I saw a man who had no feet.

Simply put, be grateful dude. Accept things the way they are because certainly, Allah has written them all and our fate are already being predestined and preordained. What we can do now is pray and spend more time with supplication asking for His help and guidance.. Many people are just not as lucky as we are. Just look at what happened in Padang, Indonesia. My prayers for them. However, always true it is, fate and destiny, should not stop us from doing more to gain more. Allah surely knows best. And about being lucky, some say that there are people who are born lucky, but all people are lucky to be born in the first place. Hey, we are the 100-meter-race winning sperms! Thanks to Allah. And be thankful must I.

Yaeh, I hope so. Always, if not all the time, things are easier said than done. At least, I’ve got the right thing to do. Just, do it. Sigh~

What’s the real point I want to put up in this post, I myself wonder. These are them by the way. Firstly, I actually wanted to apologize if I have been rude or even annoying to anyone I merely know for not so long. You know what, like I said, you should enjoy knowing a better and nicer me. I have been going through tough times, that’s all. Just promise to be ‘myself’ again. Except for the part that I am not going to let myself be taken for granted even once more. Don’t you ever dare to.. ups, let’s put a dot, just there. No need to further dig up the painful past. I’ve thrown the shovel after all. Bygones are bygones. And I am moving on.

Secondly, I hereby would like to officially declare a period of disengagement to whom it may concern. I have prepared all final gestures and completed them by giving my all. And one might not know that it is the way I say good bye. I am moving on. And I want to disengage. By giving, and not taking. I have had enough. No more. Big NO NO.

As for now, it will be a considerably long silence without any posts (at least not this long) as I want to really focus on my extremely crucial life or death final SACE exam commencing from Nov 2-17 2009. Hope and really hoping Allah will help me through all these. As a final remark for this time, I would like to say thanks to great people like Farah Farhana, Masturah, Ira and many more. You girls’ presence is a simple proof that I am still having faith in some girls. Not yet have I came to an extent of being misogynistic. Neither am I a gay! By the way, aboy, all the best SPM! Not forgetting, all juniors at MCKK. Well, I am 99.9 % sure not even one present boy from MCKK know about my blog. Ha3 never mind, I just do not want to make too much noise. Let only some people know about what I have had to say, complain and wish. So long as they are not absurd. Will miss you everyone.

Salam sayang from me~

"I am getting old yet missing the ‘old’ me.."

-the OLD Ibnu Hanaffi-

The Climb

I can almost see it

That dream I am dreaming

But there's a voice inside my head saying

"You'll never reach it"

Every step I'm taking

Every move I make feels

Lost with no direction

My faith is shaking

But I gotta keep trying

Gotta keep my head held high

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing

The chances I'm taking

Sometimes might knock me down

But no, I'm not breaking

I may not know it

But these are the moments that

I'm gonna remember most, yeah

Just gotta keep going

And I, I got to be strong

Just keep pushing on

'Cause there's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be a uphill battle

Sometimes I'm gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

There's always gonna be another mountain

I'm always gonna wanna make it move

Always gonna be an uphill battle

Somebody's gonna have to lose

Ain't about how fast I get there

Ain't about what's waiting on the other side

It's the climb, yeah!

Keep on moving, keep climbing

Keep the faith, baby

It's all about, it's all about the climb

Keep the faith, keep your faith, whoa

gee~ (jugak).. another product of Ibnu Hanaffi's Productions

TgL: Everyone my name is Mohd Amirul Asyraf Mohd Hanaffi. My pseudonym is Ibnu Hanaffi. So please call me Asyraf. Peace!! :)