Wednesday, October 17, 2012

When to Teach Our Children (About) Marriage

Assalamualaikum wbt.

1. I am not (yet) married.

2. Maybe in the year 2015, I will be. And I am going to reach 25 (hopefully with more knowledge and money) by then anyway.

3. So.............. when do we teach our children about marriage? The following is my opinion. You may agree, and you may not (or you may add if you wish).

4. I would argue that the first step is being that children first. Meaning, we are the children we are talking about now. Being a good child to our parents, will appropriately be the earliest pre-requisite of having our own children who are also good to us. This is also known as reciprocity.

5. Next, it begins with finding the right spouse. I have made some related commentaries about this here. A born child has everything to do with who their parents are. This is why our beloved Prophet outlines family (being the descendant of pious ones) as one of the important criteria when it comes to marriage. Others, as we are already well-informed about, include wealth, religion and whether he or she is good looking or not.

6. After 'dating' the right spouse, then only we have the next step, which is to teach them about marriage, even before they have the desire to get married.

7. Yes. It is usual, yet uncalled for, to be parents, when our children have to bring a stranger back home and introduce them to us their future prince or princess during which we have to reject the choice they have made. And most of the time, it may be too late.

8. Therefore, it is good to teach them (since young) the 'tool' they may need to look for a life companion, rather than to be a supreme judge whose job is only to say YES or NO towards the choice they already made afterwards. It really doesn't work well that way.

9. This is all about good parenting. We should provide them a tool to choose, rather than an ultimate decision against their choice.

10. In addition, I really love a wonderful advice given by Ustaz Nouman Ali Khan. If we as parents are too busy with our jobs and professions, and consequently spend less time with our children when they are young and need so much of our intention, it is just a matter of time before the world turns upside down.

11. When they become a teenager or an adolescent, and we become very keen to know about their whereabouts and updates, in need of their attention etc., they will speak less to us instead, and most of the time ignore us too while spending most of the time with their friends, just like the way we treated them when they were young.

12. In conclusion, I am not here to lecture on marriage or even parenting, but I just want to reinforce the stance that I hold in life, that everything begins with us and within us.

13. In other words, let's look more inwardly rather than outwardly. See others as a mirror to us. If we are bad enough, then that's what we are going to see around us. Just like a mirror. We will only see a smile if we smile while looking at the mirror.

Wallahuaklam. Wassalamualaikum wbt. ;-)

P/S: In exam mood. Please keep me in your prayers. Thanks my love! =D


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The Colours of Life

The Colours of Life
Picture taken on Syawal 1, 2009

THE BELOVED FAMILY-Hey, do the maths!

Dad: Mohd Hanaffi bin Hassin
Mom: Noorma bte Mamat


Mohd Ridzwan
Nurul Shuhada
Mohd Amirul Asyraf (blog owner)
Fatihah Sakinah
Nurul Ain Afifah
Ilyana Nazlin
Nur Amira Mawaddah
Mohd Aizat Aiman
Nur Anis
Mohd Amri Afiq